Your adolescent and young adult years are often said to be chaotic and unpredictable, both for the individual navigating through them but also often for the parents trying to support their child through these years while giving them the independence they desire. You are expected to carry yourself with some level of responsibility and maturity, but still often told that you are not old enough to make decisions in certain situations. It's like a sort of limbo, 50% adult, 50% child and you're just hanging in the balance trying to figure out where the heck your life is headed.
I believe this is a time of rapid development, especially when it comes to discovering yourself, who you want to be as a person and what you'd like to pursue in terms of both the workforce and in your spare time. It is a time where life long friendships may be strained, you may grow apart from people you have always been extremely close to, your high school sweetheart who you were sure was the one, might not turn out to be everything you thought they were cracked up to be. With all of this going on, you also need to decide on your career path; are you going to university? If so you need to decide on a course out of hundreds and hundreds of options. Are you going to start a trade? If so which one? Are you going to have a year off of study all together? (this one will come with lots of mixed opinions that you didn't ask for from everyone around you). Are you going to go straight into full time work? If so, where?
It's a lot for a young person to take on, and becomes even more confusing when the older people in your life are constantly changing whether they’re treating you like (and expecting you to be) an adult, or a child. I wouldn’t say I’m out of the woods yet, I’ve navigated the early years of adulthood but still have a whole decade of 20’s in front of me. Never the less, I’ve learnt a lot so far and I’d like to share some words of wisdom that I’ve picked up along the way that hopefully resonate with or help some of you who are also navigating an unknown time in your life.
1. Live your life like you're the main character.
We are always trying to make life exciting, how can we romanticise our lives so that we are always enjoying and looking forward to life? The key is to do the cliche main character movie things, even though they may be a little cringey.
Take a book to the beach and read it all day. Get dressed in your fancy activewear and walk to get your morning coffee. Go for night drives with your besties, blasting the tunes. Make a cheese board and have a picnic in the park. Fall in love with the little beauties of life!
2. It's not that big of a deal.
Social anxiety is something that affects a huge number of us. It’s in our human nature to care what other humans think of us, and often it brings us away from some great social interactions because we’re too busy worried about if the other person can see that we forgot to iron our pants.
In times like these, it’s important to realise that if your focus is on your own anxieties, the person your talking to is also probably in the same boat, and really not paying that close attention to you at all. If that doesn’t do it for you, worse case scenario someone has seen that your pants aren’t ironed; it’s not that big of a deal. In the grand scheme of things, who bloody cares if there’s a wrinkle in your pants. If that’s the worst thing that has happened to you all day, your day is going swimmingly.
3. Getting professional help does not mean that you aren't strong.
In my humble opinion, I think seeking professional help (in whatever form that may be), is the strongest thing you can do. It is extremely hard, especially for this generation who is always under pressure to be 'hustling' to not only accept within yourself that you may need some extra help, but to then go and actually seek it out. Being able to give yourself the tools you need to thrive is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign that you respect yourself and you won't let anything stand in the way of your needs.
4. Instagram is fake
I've said it before, I'll say it again, forever, until I die. Instagram is a highlight reel, and more often than not completely fake. I know this is easy to say and much harder to truly accept and believe, but it is bloody true. You don't need to wake up at 4am everyday and spend 3 hours in the gym to look like your favourite fitness influencer. Their entire job and life is to live and breathe fitness and the gym. You have your own job, and goals, and life, and waking up at 4am doesn't suit everybody's lifestyles.
There are filters on pretty much EVERY photo. Which is completely fine, but just remember that when you wish your skin was as brown and your legs were as smooth as the models you see on your feed. Focus on feeding your mind and your soul and experiencing life, it's much more important than what your old high school friends see on their Instagram feed.
Some instagram reccs for some influencers that are all about keeping it real:
5. Learn as much as you bloody can, always.
There is so much information, and education, and resources out there that can teach you soooo many new things. My new thing is podcasts. Oh my GOD please if you only do one new thing this year make it to start listening to podcasts. They are a wealth of knowledge and there is literally a podcast about absolutely anything you can think of out there. Don't feel like you need to listen to anything "educational" either. Simply listening to a podcast about someone else's life can give you amazing new perspectives. Human's are puzzling and curious creatures, even just hearing about someone else's random experiences as they move through life gives us new perspectives and perhaps ideas/opinions that we would never have thought of on our own. Allow your mind to be challenged and broadened.
Current Poddy Reccs:
Do You F*****g Mind? - Alexis Fernandez
The Happiness Lab - Dr. Laurie Santos
Anything Goes - Emma Chamberlain
She's On the Money - Victoria Devine
6. It's okay to have shit days, and it's okay to have no idea why.
Sometimes we wake up, and we feel like shit. Why? Not a clue. I know that social media preaches "bad boss bitch" energy always and that we need to be showing up for our future selves and what not, but sometimes the vibes just aren't there. If you wake up feeling off, allow yourself to feel that way. Take a day to be lazy, watch a movie, whack on a face mask, go for a nature walk, don't go to the gym if you don't feel like it. Obviously if this is a very regular occurrence or seems to be happening for a prolonged period of time, you may need to see some professional help (see point 3) or change something up in your life, but in general allow yourself to have shit days, it really is okay.
7. Friendships change and evolve, and that's okay.
Gone are the days of bitchy high school drama. There are over 7 billion people on this planet, and all of us are completely different. Think about the person you were in high school, and now think about the person you are today...personally those 2 people are COMPLETELY different for me. This is because I've changed, evolved, had more life experience, been through some great...and not so great things, and that's ok! But this means that as I change and evolve, my friends are also changing and evolving, and sometimes we do so in different directions. We can be whoever we want to be, and we can change our minds anytime we like, so if a friendship seems to be not working out so well anymore, that's ok! There is no need for bitching or beef, we just allow ourselves to drift and evolve. If you follow your passions and focus on you, your people will come to you and they will likely have the same interests as you! Just enjoy journeying through the new friendships that each stage in life brings to you.
8. Slip, Slop, Slap
This one seems kind of dumb and kind of obvious, but just put your damn sunscreen on. Your skin is so precious and sensitive, and no one cares if you're not as tanned as you wish you were. They're too busy focussing on wishing they themselves were more tanned than they are. If this is something you are really self conscious about, fake tan is a lot better for your skin than constant sun burn!!
9. Drink more water.
However much water you've drunk today...drink more. Water basically makes the world go round when it comes to your insides. As someone who has experienced stomach problems and a half, just please drink more water. I know your parents and doctors and basically anyone older than you has been telling you to drink more water for your entire life, but they're right. Increasing your daily water intake improves skin appearance (be gone teenage hormonal acne), significantly improves bowel function and healthy bowel movements, the health and efficiency of all of your important internal organs, flushes bad bacteria out of your body... the list goes on. Just drink more water please.
10. Mum is always right, and always knows best.
No matter when, where, or what, your mum is literally always right. Even if at first it seems like for once she's actually wrong!, give it time, she's definitely right.
That was my top 10 things I've learned before 20. If you're keen to hear some more of my wise words, head to my next blog post to read another 10 things I've learnt by 20 here: 20 Things I Learned By 20 Pt. 2
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